I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
