I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
