how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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