just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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