My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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