My first STD was from a foam party
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
