its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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