K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
