i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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