Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
