He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
