I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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