he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
