just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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