p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
