enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
