I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
