You're so nebulous sometimes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you had me at cake vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
