ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
