it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
