how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
