I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
