I want to walk on stilts...naked
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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