just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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