What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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