new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
