im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
