I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
