You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
