ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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