did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
