I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
