upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
