I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
