i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your penis caused this!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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