I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
