K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
