Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
