I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
