singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
