is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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