Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
