The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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