I hate all girls vehemently.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
