your thong is hanging out like whoa
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
