He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
