have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
