i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
