Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
