I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
