remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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