Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
